My sweet Grandma..

Some days I feel like super mom and some days I feel so helpless. I wonder when I will feel like mediocre mom all the time?? =)

Today I went and cried to my grandma. I sat on the cemetery hill with her for about 15 tear filled moments and looked for any part of me that she has given. Then I remembered something she would do. She would give herself a little time to be sad and then she would pick herself up and say, "thats enough, I am done being sad today". And she was such a good example of strength. She had a very long life... and in that life she was an amazing woman! November is when I miss her the most because that is when she would host Thanksgiving. Not just a paper plate meal that you gorge yourself with, but a magical experience that you made you remember what it was you were thankfull for. China, candles, wonderful smells and great family with you. I miss the whole family being together, but I know she is saying to me... ok be done being sad and get on with the day... so here I go..

the simple life.. where are you??

I had all the intentions of having a simple life.. I work so hard to keep the drama to a minimum and yet somehow I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I am dropping the ball.. so many things are out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it... to get it back in balance..

I love my kids so much and today I was listening to Hillary Weeks (she is my favorite) song... if I only had today... and I started sobbing uncontrollably.. It made me realize how precious they are and at what a tender age this is.. what a tender time this is.. for all of us.. there is a part of the song that says..

I would hold you and listen.. I would let the dishes sit in the sink.. tell you I love you over and over.. and for once I would let the phone ring..

every time that part of the song played.. the sobbing would get crazy.. so I know I need topay more attention to them.. my heart says so..

**new goal for the week.. hold them and listen.. listen to whatever it is they might say.. silly or funny or sad.. just listen and smile and let them know that I love them so much!!.. because I really do...

stormy weather..

this is not a metaphor.. we are having some really stormy weather... the lights were out for a little while tonight and had us lighting candles and screaming in delight.. We are all in our pjs and snuggling up together for a night in.. the scooby doo movie is going full throttle.. until the lights kick off again.. then we will have some brownies and hot chocolate and go to sleep... wow the wind is blowing!!

I dyed my hair brown.. I love it!! such a good color and it is staying this time... wha hoo!! and yes... James looks so bad in this picture.. while Lacie and I look stunning!! Ha ha ha..

right side up again..

well, I have learned in the past 24 hours.. that being a drama queen doesn't do anybody any good.. especially not me... I have never been very good at it to begin with.. seeing as how I hate dealing with drama...I also hate dishing out a hearty helping of drama..

So.. here is a new beginning of my drama free life.. a re dedication to the drama free way... wish me some luck.. it is hard to maintain when feelings and things get in the way...

but I can do it!! Yay me!!

Sometimes life kicks back...

So, I was starting to feel comfortable and good.. thats when it always happens.. someone or something comes along and crushes you in an instant.. sideswiping you from your blindspot... hurting your heart and not realizing the pain you are feeling... not really caring too much about the hurt you are feeling... and wanting you to just be fine... I am not fine. I cannot be fine if time after time there is no recognition of the pain... sorry, sounds cheap anymore... Just stop hurting me...

Autumn fun..

Today I took sebastian acorn hunting at the park. and we found some fun treasures.. then I took him to the store to find a bowl to put the treasures into, and I found this!! so cool!! I love this new dessert bowl. I am going to try and make something that looks like this... I have been trying to be a yummy cook lately and have really been struggling with textures (because of the gf factor) but I managed to make some yummy things.. like butternut squash with butter and brown sugar

and salt.. so yummy.. and halloween cookies..

out of a box (not gf) and Ellen was able to cook them alone.. she was so proud of herself!!

then we were tuckered out!! so the boys sat around for a while to play computer games before bed... and we got our pjs on and now the house is quiet.. except the tapping of the computer keys..

I am blessed!!

I am feeling so blessed today! I got to see my mom and she gave me a cupcake and watched my son all day!! I got to spend the afternoon with six of the most amazing kids in the universe!! I got to work at the bank and teach Zumba and eat delicious french fries at McDonalds with my awesome friend , James (such a funny picture of him!! ha ha ha!!)

... all in all.. I feel so blessed!!

I am also feeling something else though... tired!! good night!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Been waiting for this moment for all of my life...

So things are good.. weird huh? I feel good. The kids are doing good. I have been doing more and sitting less.. which is so nice.. I hate to sit and do nothing.. (anyone who knows me knows that)..

Fall is here and again I start to get that urge to cook yummy things... which sometimes can be a challenge for the Gluten sensitive.. But I will embrace this autumn!! I will cook.. I will cozy up with my hot chocolate as I pour through recipes that I want to try and I will be amazing at it!! I am excited to try things that I have been too intimidated to do before.. Christmas cookie plates, beware! Hah haha!!

In looking for a job.. Wells Fargo gave me an opportunity as a teller, so that is another challenge I am facing this fall.. again I will conquer and go far!! (even if Josh and John harass me).. lol!! So far I really enjoy the days where the drawer balances and no one yells at me.. I am way too sensitive the other days.. but my boss told me that I need to get mean and start telling people what I need them to do .. don't ask.. tell them..

Another thing I like about the fall is the sweaters and the rain.. It has been in the 50s and 60s around here.. kinda on the cool side for this Cali girl, but the Idaho girl in me loves it!! I like warm clothes and snuggle blankets.. so nice...

My kids amaze me... with the quirks and the funny comments they come up with daily.. they really are a joy in my life.. I am so grateful that they are in my home as much as they are.. I so love a good snuggle on the couch with Bass and A tickle fight with Aaron and a drive full of questions with Ellen.. It makes me so happy to know that they know that I love them. It is my one place in this world I cannot fail... I will not fail them..

Well, there is my happy blurb.. figured you all deserved a lift after the last blog I wrote! Have a happy Autumn time!!!

Lots of Love to you!!

Word to the wise...

Hi, its me again... I have a very important message to all..

If you are reading my blog for enjoyment and because you love me and are genuinely concerned for my well being... carry on!! I love you!!

If you are reading this blog to try and find out if I willl slander my ex husband or say mean things so you can run back and say.. kim said she hates you... please discontinue reading this blog. I don"t welcome you. Please delete me from your facebook page and do not contact me. I want nothing to do with Drama..

Divorce is hard enough with out people stirring the pot.. don't make it harder!!

It is true that Shawn is a great human being!! I am not here to judge him.. It is not my place.. or yours.. spend your time on more worthwile things.. take up a new hobby... leave me in peace!!

Again.. all you who are just wanting to know how I am.. I Love You!! Carry on!!!

Didn't think I would make it this far...

So, as most of you know I got divorced six months ago... yikes!!

Well, now he is getting married to someone else. Double Yikes!

And I haven't been sure how my heart would react.. I will always love him for being the father of my wonderful children, but I do not love him like a wife should or could..

so part of me is super happy for him.. happy he found someone who loves him.. happy he is moving on and happy he is not my problem anymore...

But then there is this other part of me... this part of me hates him.. it wants him to leave me alone forever and never speak to me again.... this part is not very forgiving or caring...

So, what to do when you are fighting to be good and happy for someone you hate in a way... You be good and happy outside I think. You look for reasons in life to be happy. You find wonder in small things and joy in the journey. You never let your kids know that you are angry with him...

And you let go.... You just let go.... because in letting go.. you will regain your own self again... and then the happy side wins and the angry side doesn't...

I wanna ween!!! Nacho libre".....

Reunion!!!

Well this summer is speeding along and our family reunion was as fun as ever! Due to the high cost of renting some condos for 33 of us.. we opted to camp in mom's backyard. It was a lot of fun, but a little sleep.. mom has a crazy rooster!!! We had a huge waterslide to play on and even got to pose for family pictures!!! Yay!!

Me in Utah...

Well here are some funny pictures of me in Utah.. I will let you imagine what I am doing.. haa haa!! I couldn't get the pictures to load right.. oh well.

Happy to be in Utah

I drove down to Utah to get out of the house for a while, see my sister, and go visit friends. I was just going to hang with Julie, But mom decided to come also... and then Amy did too.. so I figured Jules would be okay with out me constantly in her face.

I went and bought a car!!

Here is my first new car ever!! It is only new to me... It's 2002 jeep Grand Cherokee. It doesn't get as good of gas mileage as my honda, but it has a/c and it drives so nice... I LOVE IT!! Some body asked me if I slept in it last night.. ha ha ha! Nice.. No, I

did not sleep in it.. yet.. I am half tempted to now.

Salsa/zumba night with the girls..

This is me and the gang of zumba girlz at the knitting factory in Boise. It was so much fun and we all had a blast dancing the night away!! I met and danced with the mayor of
Nampa too.. Good guy!

well, well..

I am not having a good day, but I am trying to make the most of a day that is almost over... I took my kids to Krispy Kreme to show them how yummy doughnuts are made.. and we brought an ugly tie to get free doughnuts.. and we ate them all up.. every last o..oh wait there is one left.. too bad i can't eat it.. ;)

Thunderstorms in Idaho...

I went up to the top of a hill in a thunderstrom and took some pictures... the clouds were amazing!!

My first Day at Work

So, my dad has a shop where he makes plastic parts for businesses.. He gave me a job. I worked the grinder today.. which sounds really way more exciting than it is... basically I put the leftover plastic parts into a machine that grinds them up so he can reuse the plastic... Ellie helped me in the shop for a while and then said.. mom, now I get 5 dollars a day for this you know.. so funny! We had a good time and loved being in the shop.

Okay.. Just seeing if I can blog from my phone...

It's a scortcha!

Today it is HOT! I have a window that doesn't work on my car and no air conditioning.. I am staying in the shade or in the nice and cool house... Obviously where I am now.. Just have to say, That I totally love Target.. Look at my cutie boy posing for these pictures. He loves Target too.

A beautiful day

Today I layed in a hammock under the pine trees in my back yard while my kids played on the swings and the slip n slide. It was so nice to read and enjoy the nice weather. Eventually we were all on the hammock and giggled and took funny pictures... The best days are those with little planning and lots of love.

Cute trees and Art

So, today I asked my kids what they wanted for dinner.. Mac n cheese they screamed.. All except my three year old who said.. TREES!! Mommy, I want tiny, cute, baby trees.. He is a broccolli lover... He got some trees..

He is also quite the artist.. here is a little sample of his genius.. keep in mind, he is only three..