My sweet Grandma..

Some days I feel like super mom and some days I feel so helpless. I wonder when I will feel like mediocre mom all the time?? =)

Today I went and cried to my grandma. I sat on the cemetery hill with her for about 15 tear filled moments and looked for any part of me that she has given. Then I remembered something she would do. She would give herself a little time to be sad and then she would pick herself up and say, "thats enough, I am done being sad today". And she was such a good example of strength. She had a very long life... and in that life she was an amazing woman! November is when I miss her the most because that is when she would host Thanksgiving. Not just a paper plate meal that you gorge yourself with, but a magical experience that you made you remember what it was you were thankfull for. China, candles, wonderful smells and great family with you. I miss the whole family being together, but I know she is saying to me... ok be done being sad and get on with the day... so here I go..

the simple life.. where are you??

I had all the intentions of having a simple life.. I work so hard to keep the drama to a minimum and yet somehow I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I am dropping the ball.. so many things are out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it... to get it back in balance..

I love my kids so much and today I was listening to Hillary Weeks (she is my favorite) song... if I only had today... and I started sobbing uncontrollably.. It made me realize how precious they are and at what a tender age this is.. what a tender time this is.. for all of us.. there is a part of the song that says..

I would hold you and listen.. I would let the dishes sit in the sink.. tell you I love you over and over.. and for once I would let the phone ring..

every time that part of the song played.. the sobbing would get crazy.. so I know I need topay more attention to them.. my heart says so..

**new goal for the week.. hold them and listen.. listen to whatever it is they might say.. silly or funny or sad.. just listen and smile and let them know that I love them so much!!.. because I really do...

stormy weather..

this is not a metaphor.. we are having some really stormy weather... the lights were out for a little while tonight and had us lighting candles and screaming in delight.. We are all in our pjs and snuggling up together for a night in.. the scooby doo movie is going full throttle.. until the lights kick off again.. then we will have some brownies and hot chocolate and go to sleep... wow the wind is blowing!!

I dyed my hair brown.. I love it!! such a good color and it is staying this time... wha hoo!! and yes... James looks so bad in this picture.. while Lacie and I look stunning!! Ha ha ha..

right side up again..

well, I have learned in the past 24 hours.. that being a drama queen doesn't do anybody any good.. especially not me... I have never been very good at it to begin with.. seeing as how I hate dealing with drama...I also hate dishing out a hearty helping of drama..

So.. here is a new beginning of my drama free life.. a re dedication to the drama free way... wish me some luck.. it is hard to maintain when feelings and things get in the way...

but I can do it!! Yay me!!

Sometimes life kicks back...

So, I was starting to feel comfortable and good.. thats when it always happens.. someone or something comes along and crushes you in an instant.. sideswiping you from your blindspot... hurting your heart and not realizing the pain you are feeling... not really caring too much about the hurt you are feeling... and wanting you to just be fine... I am not fine. I cannot be fine if time after time there is no recognition of the pain... sorry, sounds cheap anymore... Just stop hurting me...

Autumn fun..

Today I took sebastian acorn hunting at the park. and we found some fun treasures.. then I took him to the store to find a bowl to put the treasures into, and I found this!! so cool!! I love this new dessert bowl. I am going to try and make something that looks like this... I have been trying to be a yummy cook lately and have really been struggling with textures (because of the gf factor) but I managed to make some yummy things.. like butternut squash with butter and brown sugar

and salt.. so yummy.. and halloween cookies..

out of a box (not gf) and Ellen was able to cook them alone.. she was so proud of herself!!

then we were tuckered out!! so the boys sat around for a while to play computer games before bed... and we got our pjs on and now the house is quiet.. except the tapping of the computer keys..

I am blessed!!

I am feeling so blessed today! I got to see my mom and she gave me a cupcake and watched my son all day!! I got to spend the afternoon with six of the most amazing kids in the universe!! I got to work at the bank and teach Zumba and eat delicious french fries at McDonalds with my awesome friend , James (such a funny picture of him!! ha ha ha!!)

... all in all.. I feel so blessed!!

I am also feeling something else though... tired!! good night!!

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