My sweet Grandma..

Some days I feel like super mom and some days I feel so helpless. I wonder when I will feel like mediocre mom all the time?? =)

Today I went and cried to my grandma. I sat on the cemetery hill with her for about 15 tear filled moments and looked for any part of me that she has given. Then I remembered something she would do. She would give herself a little time to be sad and then she would pick herself up and say, "thats enough, I am done being sad today". And she was such a good example of strength. She had a very long life... and in that life she was an amazing woman! November is when I miss her the most because that is when she would host Thanksgiving. Not just a paper plate meal that you gorge yourself with, but a magical experience that you made you remember what it was you were thankfull for. China, candles, wonderful smells and great family with you. I miss the whole family being together, but I know she is saying to me... ok be done being sad and get on with the day... so here I go..

the simple life.. where are you??

I had all the intentions of having a simple life.. I work so hard to keep the drama to a minimum and yet somehow I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I am dropping the ball.. so many things are out of my control and there is nothing I can do about it... to get it back in balance..

I love my kids so much and today I was listening to Hillary Weeks (she is my favorite) song... if I only had today... and I started sobbing uncontrollably.. It made me realize how precious they are and at what a tender age this is.. what a tender time this is.. for all of us.. there is a part of the song that says..

I would hold you and listen.. I would let the dishes sit in the sink.. tell you I love you over and over.. and for once I would let the phone ring..

every time that part of the song played.. the sobbing would get crazy.. so I know I need topay more attention to them.. my heart says so..

**new goal for the week.. hold them and listen.. listen to whatever it is they might say.. silly or funny or sad.. just listen and smile and let them know that I love them so much!!.. because I really do...